ISNA Pool Party and Fun in the Sun (Satire)

ISNA Pool Party and Fun in The Sun

Tired of the same old boring speeches, endless array of items in the bazaar, and uncles and aunties constantly trying to find you a husband at ISNA? Want a little Muslim fun without all the Islam? The Spiritual Global Artistic Association of Muslim Professionals is presenting our first annual pool party. This will not just be a time to swim and have fun in the pool. We will also have lectures and activities. Activities include:

–          Readings on the life of the Beloved ( peace be upon him) from the book of Deepak Chopra

–          Plastic surgery “When you know it’s time to get work done” A lecture by the Metrosexual Mullah

–          Muslima makeup tips. “How to get 14 layers of makeup off in 4 minutes” by Sister May al-Faye Baker

–          Relationship advice for same-sex couples and pre-marital counseling

–          Whose got the tightest jeans on contest ( for brothers only)

–          Muslim dancing. The Dhikr Dougie and Sufi Shoulder Lean led by Muslim rappers.

–          A Message of Support To the 99% by the Top 10%: How to Support the Poor With No Interaction or Losing Your Privilege.

Prayers will be held following yoga sessions, our Zen reading of the day, and a reading of our favorite poems by Rumi. There will be two gatherings. One traditional prayer for the unenlightened and one co-ed led by a woman imama (Amina Wadud invited).

Dress and Conduct Code strictly enforced:

–          No non-GQ beards allowed. Long beards NOT ALLOWED

–          No thobes or Islamic dress

–          Kufis and Baduees allowed as a fashion statement

–          No niqaabs or jelbabs unless you are making a political statement

–          No loose-fitting clothing for men

–          Only 1 and 2 piece swimwear allowed. No burkinis.

–          No separation of the genders

–          No bullying of same-sex couples

Bonuses

–          Pool is made up of fresh spring water from Tibet blessed by the Dalai Lama

–          Imam’s and wali rentals are available for onsite mutah marriages

–          Hiring booths by State Department, International Planned Parenthood, Amnesty International, and other NGO’s who need you to spread their message and help them change the Muslim World creating “Modern Islam”

–          $300 Admission ( have to keep out Southeast DC and PG this event is for Muslim professionals and not the lower classes) Paper bag test strictly-enforced (rappers and artists excluded)

Just added NEW LECTURE by the metro mullah ” How to Spot a Wahabbi and a Shariah Sufi”!

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