The Islaamic Republic of Utopia

Umarlee.com Feature

This post got me to thinking about what the Islamic lands are expected to look like from a convert’s perspective

What would the Islaamic Republic of Utopia look like? Hmmmm…..

What follows is Aboo Mumtaz al-Amreekee’s story of his travel to the Islaamic Republic of Utopia:

I must say that the plane ride on Utopian Airlines was the best I’d ever had. All the seats were nice and large like love seats, the meals were excellent and there was a musullah inside the plane. Even the pilot was upon the daawaah

The lines in the ranks were straight, so tight a child could not get through them while playing, and the Imaam had perfect taajweed and led the congregation without any biddaah. And best of all, the trip was free.

When I landed in the Islaamic Republic of Utopia I saw the most magnificent airport I’d ever seen in my life. It was so very clean it sparkled. The air smelled of fresh incense. Maashaa’ Allaah everyone in the airport was giving the salaam, all the women were properly covered and none made eye contact with me and all the men were wearing pristine white thobes (well above their ankles to remove any doubt) and had beards.

All of the brothers started to stuff cash into my pockets and offer their daughters to me in marriage and – like good Muslims – did not ask about my financial status or education. So far, it was everything the brothers had always told me it’d be!

When I got to the cab stand, I found that all cab rides in the town are free too. Now this was truly an Islaamic country! The cab driver – who was a scholar in his own right – gave me a nice Islaamic lecture on the way to the hotel on the importance of hijrah. The streets were so clean that one could eat on it. The buildings were the most modern that I’d ever seen too. All the drivers were obeying the traffic signals. Everyone walking the streets were smiling and carrying Islaamic books in their hands. It was a beautiful sight. I asked the cab driver what percentage of the people had memorized the Qur’aan in Utopia.

“Everyone!” he responded. “Children here memorize the Qur’aan by the time they were 4”, he said

“How many scholars are here?” I asked.

“Everyone is a scholar here by the time they are 12,” he told me. “The schools here make sure that all the kids memorize all the books of hadith along with the chains of narration and several dozen books of fiqh and the aqaaid as well”

“Wow!”, I exclaimed

I gave the cab driver the salaam and thanked him for the ride. He gave me some money before riding way. I noticed that the car he was driving gave off no emissions and was a “Utopia-mobile”. They produced their own cars too!

When I arrived at the hotel, I found that all the rooms are not only free of charge and of the best quality, but there is a free bucket of money in every room!

These were not just hotel rooms. They were spectacular 2,000 SF suites with 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a kitchen, living room, dining room and balcony. There were two phones in the each room; one phone was a line calling anywhere in the world for free and the other was for inside the hotel. I dialed that number and found the hotel had a entire list of services it provided for free: free kabobs, shawarmas, chicken dinners, whole lambs and more. A free tour guide could assist me in my stay in Utopia and a free security guard was on-call for me in case there were any kafir illegals roaming around or bad jinn.

I went to the bedroom and opened the closet door to put my clothes away and was startled. Inside the closet there was a young girl of about 16 with smooth brown skin, eyes as dark as coal that shined, and long dark curl hair. She wasn’t wearing much of anything and the clothes revealed a young and firm body. On her tank-top there was a name tag that read: “Hadasha: Jewish Girl, 15, Captured from the Place Once Known as Israel” and beneath the sign there was some small lettering that said “if this model is not satisfactory Filipina, African, Spanish, Ashkanezi Jews, Serb, Croatian, Russian, Hindu, Ethiopian and Persian girls also available (If Mujahudeen are successful, Latinas coming next)”.

“Wow!” I thought. A free right hand possession with the room! And a quite nice one at that. The brothers went all out to make a brother feel at home.

I have always wanted my own right hand possession and here was one right here in the closet! I remember back home asking this Puerto Rican girl in Camden to be my right hand possession, but the stupid kaafir bint refused uttering such ajeeb absurdities such as that she needed a man with a job when all the while my mother – being the kind hearted kaafir that she is – was willing to offer her basement to us.

Maashaa’ Allaah, I thought about how I used to wish that I could have one of these girls and now I had one, while I undressed my young Jewish right-hand possession and commenced to extol my virtues to her with the daawaah-stick.

After I was finished she quickly got up, took a shower, and asked me what I liked to eat because she wanted to cook for me. I told her that this was really something that was khair.

While waiting on Hadasha to make my meal, I took a leisurely stroll around the area of the hotel. The street was lined with shops selling thobes and head-wear for men, clothing for women which their servants would pick-up (I assumed because I did not see any Muslim women coming in and out of the shops)

About a hundred yards from the hotel I noticed a building with a look I know all too well: it was a prison, and I had seen a few back in the day as a young man from the US until I found the daawaah.

Since I did not know there as much crime in Utopia I asked the guard standing outside of the place who was in the jail and after examining the length of my thobe with a ruler he explained to me “kufaar who refuse to pay the jazeeya, illegal aliens, and Muslims deviants such as Soofees, Shii’aa, Sarooories, Ikhwaanees, Modernists and others that had been removed from the fold of Ahlus Sunnah wal Jamaah and contradicted the Usool of Islaam”.

Maashaa’ Allaah this place was better than I could even have imagined. Back in the US I had a rough time making it, could not hold a job because the kufaar kept on taking money for child support, could not stay married because the women could not respect a student of knowledge and would not accept the sunnah, and my business never did too good as people only want to buy so many fragrance oils. But look at me now. A pocket full of cash from the noble brothers and good place to stay for free and a right hand possession.

Now all I have to do is go get me some ilm and I’m straight. I think I can make it here in Utopia inshaa’ Allaah. So I told the people at the hotel that after much deliberation that I would be staying indefinitely. Na’am that is what I will do.

After Hadasha’s magnificent meal, I made my way to the shopping mall and found the most beautiful mall I’d ever seen. Wait until I tell you about that… To be continued…

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39 thoughts on “The Islaamic Republic of Utopia

  1. Saudi royals would NEVER EVER allow for such a Utopia, even if it meant imprisoning political revolutionaries they hate for enticing the masses to revolt (like whom they call “Qutbis, Surooris”). Saudis are in bed with America, and when they’re ‘done’ doing the ‘deed’ with America in bed, they wear their shoes, which are the Madkhalis / Jamis, the idiots, the ignorants from SalafiPublications & TROID who were brainwashed by sparkling names of Bin Baz & Uthaymeen which were blown up thanks to petrodollars (or petro-riyals) to subjugate the Muslims with Salafi leanings (and the Saudi hypocrites, the apostates, have succeeded in misguiding so many Salafis, particularly those who lack knowledge of Arabic who can thus avoid falling preys for the Madkhali propaganda against Sayyid Qutb, for example). It’s enough to know that the filthiest Arabic satellite channels and magazines are funded by Saudi princes, and the regime did nothing to stop that (while claiming to be serving the 2 sacred mosques, by mopping its floor and changing the cover for the Ka’bah, and raising the very flag of the Ikhwan movement (which the destroyed “king” Abdul-Ingileez, Slave of the English, massacred in the early 1900’s) as his own of his new “kingdom”, named and its borders drawn with the approval of the crusaders of Britain!!!!

    Saudi royals will imprison our Mahdi if he were to emerge. He’ll be called terrorist, a fugitive, and he’ll be defamed. No wonder al-Mahdi, according to hadith, will conquer the very Arabia the Saudi bandits will be ruling!!! If only the ignorants knew more fiqh than labels for fellow Muslims, if only they knew more Arabic than the names of ‘deviant Callers’!!

    May Allah’s curse be upon the apostates in Saudi Arabian regime, and may Allah destroy their soldiers, those who bear arms or those who spread falsehood in SP & Troid.

  2. I wonder if Hussam Hariri the takfiri will go on MSNBC, Fox News or CNN and talk like that. Or is he just blogging like this? Why don’t we hear any Muslim talking like that on TV or radio? Why after 9-11 you just see them on the net?

    No wonder many American believe Muslims practice taqiya in public while on private they are takfiris who believe America is the land of kufr and Muslim must behave like they are behind enemy lines until they take over and give the Americas 3 choices. Convert to Sunnism, pay the jizya or die and your wife become a warrior’s concubine. Meanwhile the US constitution, the kufr declaration, is burned or torn and replaced by Al Azhar fatwa commitee.

  3. Hey Koranist Kafir, even if those American TV stations paid me millions to appear for few minutes, and gave me whatever guaratees that I won’t be harmed physically for my opinions, I still won’t do that because I don’t believe in appearing on Zionist media or informing the ignorant masses who watch those stations.

    People like me talk like that since the Saudis brought America to the Holy Muslim land. Still, I believe living in America is better than living in Saudi. American justice is more humane, and Saudi is a mere ‘farm-land’ for the ruling royals, at least in America you don’t feel so dehumanized like you do in the Saudi Arabia which claims to be following the Quran as its constitution.

    We don’t practice taqiya. I’m not one of those idiots you may have seen on that British documentary when a reporter pretended to convert then recorded secretly video footage of the imams saying stuff like idiots!! I’m Salafi (“Wahhabi”) but I don’t believe in the stupid, un-Islamic way expressed by those ignorants on that video (here: http://www.terrorism-illuminati.com/). We don’t enter other people’s homes / countries without permission, and if we do, we don’t betray, even if it’s war and even if they did that to us first (like all the Western powers did).

    When Jihad was ordained on our ummah (which you are NOT part of, you Kafir -and I’m still to respond to your non-sense you wrote with your feet in an earlier UmarLee post)..when Jihad was ordained, we were taught that it’s the last of 3 options open to the non-believers, the first being: to allow Muslim preachers to enter their land, and educate their people about Islam. If the rulers of the kafirs refuse that, then they are to pay ‘jizya’ so that they are left alone (this is while Muslims would be militarily strong and able to impose such an ‘accord’). If the kafirs refuse jizya (after refusing to let the creation of Allah in their lands to hear about Islam), then it’s our duty to force our way in to make that happen (conveying the message). We don’t conquer to loot or destroy or change demographics, we enter to spread the Word of Allah, PERIOD. Such was the example of the early Muslims in the dawn of Islam, until they were corrupted.

    It is reported in history books that when the Muslim armies during the Umayyid era of the Caliph Omar bin Abdul-Aziz, when they entered the Central-Asian city of Tashkent (I believe it was this city, not Samarqand), they did so without giving the locals those 3 options, so they conquered the city and all, then the local inhabitants went to Caliph Omar and told him what happened (while they were still non-Muslims), so Omar referred them to a Muslim judge who ruled that Muslim armies withdraw from the city! Upon hearing the news, the locals were so shocked, but touched, that they all went out to embrace Islam and follow the Muslim army to return it to their city!

    Upon enterring a land, we enter into a covenant with its rulers, who are legitimate in the eyes of the population. In first verse of surat al-Ma’idah, Allah tells us: {O you who believe, fulfill the covenants}, and that surely includes those made with the non-believers, for Allah didn’t specify if he meant only with Muslims here, and that’s how we understand such general divine calls and teachings.

    Certainly, a kafir concubine with a Muslim pious man is going to fare much better than while with a non-Muslim (that is, like I said, the Muslim warrior who captivated her was truly pious and Sahabah-like). Afterall, most of the Abbasid caliphs (who are from Ahlul-Bayt) their mothers were war captives!!! Where do you see that in the West you’re so fond of, huh??? That their rulers and kings be conceived from enslaved women, HUH???? The closest example to what I’m saying is what the British Queen and government did to Princess Diana, when they killed her so she woulnd’t marry a Muslim and have a half-royal, half-Muslim kid!!! Would he have rights to ascend the British throne? I’m not sure, maybe?

    As for your comment on al-Azhar, we are so proud of al-Azhar’s legacy, until Mubarak’s regime started corrupting it with the advise of his Western masters. But inshallah one day al-Azhar will go back to its past glory.

  4. Hmm, I didn’t think you would feel “saroories” and “soofies” should be imprisoned in Utopia.

    Howabout a Utopia with Sufi Tariqas that strictly adhere to the Quraan and Sunnah ?

    What’s a “Saroorie” in your definition anyway?

  5. Umar is not Madkhali. He remains a confused Salafi, but he talked in that fictional story like a Madkhali (notice the double e’s & a’s the Madkhalis are so fond of, LOL).

    As for Sufi orders, they are all heretical, and to claim one can be strictly following Quran and Sunnah is like claiming Iblees is Muslim!!! A naked, shameless lie.

    Even though I’m not the one addressed, but I won’t let someone misinformed maybe to come and jump to the answer: Surooris are the former Ikhwanis with Salafi leanings, who opposed the Saudi regime & scandalized it through their magazine as-Sunnah (which is no longer published, was in Arabic, and I have all its e-issues). Saudis defame and spread lies about every political rival, be him a socialist republican like Nasser and the new Yemen after the age of the Zaidi Imam’s state (and they’re known to have entered a war against Nasser IN YEMEN), or the PLO fighters (whom Saudis helped quell their rebellion in the Black September clashes with the destroyed freemason “king” Hussain of Trans-Jordan, when they -Saudis- paid Pakistan to send its warplanes after misinforming its ignorant pilots that they were to enter a battle against the Jews, turned out they were bombing the hell out of Palestinian freedom fighters in the jungles of the Jarash forests). Likewise, Saudis defamed Qutb because he resisted Nasser as an non-Islamic ruler, not because he was secular or socialist-nationalist. Saudis oppose and would kill anyone who would inspire popular revolt against an established regime, or a friendly regime (that borders theirs, like Jordan’s or that of the Imam in Yemen in the 1960’s), or would threaten theirs (like was Sudan’s regime of al-Bashir and al-Turabi <<< Saudis provided military aid and funds to John Garang, the crusader dissident ally of the West, to help weaken the ‘Islamic Sudan’ (despite all our reservations about the way Bashir and Turabi ‘misruled’ the Muslims of Sudan).

  6. @Hussam Hariri,

    Its not time to make a change,
    Just relax, take it easy.
    Youre still young, thats your fault,
    Theres so much you have to know.
    Find a girl, settle down,
    If you want you can marry.
    Look at me, I am old, but I’m happy.

  7. I know what “Suroories” are supposed to be. I was just wondering what Umar’s definition is; since I don’t consider him one of the fanatics whom you call “Madkhali”. I don’t use the term myself since I believe I’d be making the same mistake they (the fanatics) make if I were to label them.
    I prefer to take the good and leave what I disagree with.

  8. @Hussam Hariri,

    I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make fun of you -pls forgive me, but I feel your way is no way to make dawah. If we followed your definition of a Muslim there’d be no Muslims left in the world.

  9. What’s really saddening about this piece of satire is that there are some brothers who really think like this. They are just that deluded. Pray for them, my brothers and sisters. Please pray for them to return to Reality.

  10. “…asked me what I liked to eat because she wanted to cook for me. I told her that this was really something that was khair.”

    I nearly spit up my drink laughing. This was great Umar. You’re on a roll lately.

  11. Assalamu Alaykum
    Very creative. Some parts I think could have been left out. The dawa stick for example.It reminded me of when you go to a movie and they add a scene of rampant sex that just seems out of place. Your fiction would have been as good without that addition but MAsha Allah.
    That guy who talked about that Dispatches program.Well Im sure we all know by now that the program makers were found to have been dastardardly in their production and creative in their editing. The Police actually recommended that they be prosecuted for their hand in trying to incite the common people against these individuals and Islam.
    They are exonerated from all blame but of course it is a small drop in the constant onslaught that we as muslims have to endure from ignorant people and those who just want to see Islam vanish from the face of the planet.
    You talk about those who dont seek to talk bad about the muslim rulers in such derogative terms and either you really hate them with the viciousness that you display on here or you are just ignorant. if you are ignorant then you have to know that the muslims do not condone what the rulers do..They just prefer to adhere to what the salaf and those that came after adhered to as relates to the rulers. Advise in secret. The lesser of two evils. Those saudis who have spoken against the governments end expelled and living in the west. I dont know how anyone would choose the western life over a life of making salaat in Masjid ul haraam..but I guess thats their choice. To make salaat among the asphalt jungle.
    In any event We all have our own ideas of what true Utopic life would be. In my personal utopia..I would have an instant zipper upper that materialized on peoples lips who like to talk much on what they dont know.
    Wa Allahu Ta’ala Alim.
    Wsalaam

  12. “What’s really saddening about this piece of satire is that there are some brothers who really think like this. They are just that deluded.”

    Salaams Izzy,

    Have met some of these deluded brothers, actually, I meet them all the time :- (

  13. Myopic “To make salaat among the asphalt jungle.”

    I guess you havent heard then have you? T he Saudis themselves are making the Grand Mosque into nothing more than an attraction to sell hundreds of millions of dollars in timeshares.

    The new tower that is to be built OVERLOOKING the Kabbah will be a luxury affair, only the richest will be able to sit on their chairs and look DOWN at the Kabbah and those praying there.

    The establishment in Saudi is pimping the Kabbah in order to make money. It is hard to think of a great sin than that.

    When we pray in the West at least we dont have to get up when we are done knowing that the pimpmasters are watching is from their balconies in this most materialistic of buildings.

    Imagine, building multi-million dollar time condos where the rich and wealth sit above the Kabbah.

    Insane. But the hadith say it best, there will be a time where the people who call themselves Muslim will be the farthest from the deen.

    Those millionaires who think they have a right to sit above the Kabbah are the tip of the ice-berg that the hadith is talking about.

  14. My utopia? One where the religion trumps culture. One where all people are treated equally, given their just rights as layed out ih hadith and The Qur’an.

    One where justice is handed out evenly and swiftly, where it isnt based on your pocketbook.

    One where men have real jobs and support their own families, not sell oils and use the deen as an excuse to not support their wives or children.

    One where people wish for their brother what they wish for themselves and really mean it and act upon it.

    Utopia for me is a place where the leaders are the true servents of God and the people, not servents of their bankaccounts. This, in the true memory of Mohammud, who could have built palaces for himself but instead made a choice to live in humble surroundings.

    It is a place where you dont need much money for things because people are not looking to make a fast buck or live off the labours of other people. Why need buckets full of cash when a handfull of change will buy everything you need?

    In this places “keeping up with the Jones'” means struggling to see who can learn more of The Qur’an or who can devote more time to the mosque or families in need, not who can buy the best car or pay the highest dowry.

    After reading the news today, my utopia is a place where no children come to harm, especially by those closest to them. It is a place where people who harm the innocent come to a swift and just end.

    That’s a small start for my world.

    PS, it is also a place where we all sing like Pavarotti, may God have mercy on his soul.

  15. Abu Sinan,

    I was about to answer Michael’s utopia question and what you said is what I was going to say: equal justice under the law. No tribes or families or officials are above the law.

    My utopia would definitely be on a coast so that I could go fishing

  16. This was really funny. I actually though this was a serious article until I had gotten past the concubine part. My initial comment was going to be something along the lines of: “You are one seriously sick freak”
    I do have difficulty imagining that some people actually think like this in real life. It seems completely absurd

  17. Abu Sinan,

    I like your utopia, please…TAKE ME WITH YOU! Is it alright if I sing like Patti LaBelle or Whitney Houston (Pre-Bobby Brown days) instead?

  18. You can come along Bint. What is interesting to me is the concept of this utopia, or even heaven.

    I know what would be heaven for me would be hell for others. I love classical music, camping, hiking and fishing……hitting the streets in cities older than dirt.

    Others would hate this.

    Is heaven different for each person, or are our pre-after life likes and dislikes eliminated?

    JT, I love fishing as well, but I am a fresh water person. So glive me some good flies, a nice fly rod and some waders and let me loose in the creek. I might be there for hours and not catch a thing, but I couldnt be happier.

  19. Abu Sinan,

    i’d rather be on the coast so that I can swim and do some spear fishing as well. come up for salaah at the masjid on the beach. that would be nice

  20. Salam
    Brother Umar, Aboo Mumtaz al-Amrekee may have a good friend in Paris’s neighborhood: he’s called Sid Ali Benegeli, or “Ali le Magnifique”. He’s very intelligent, he travels to Morocco to make fun with his boyfriend in Marrakech… and he’s a gonnabe star.
    For more details, please search “Ali le Magnifique” of Paul Smaïl, a pseudonyme of the french writer Jack-Alain Léger.
    But Aboo Mumtaz al-Amrekee may also visit Spain and the wonderfull Andalusia… I invite him!
    Baraka Al-lâh fîk.

  21. Definitely funny stuff! Aside from the concubine bit, which made me cringe.

    Hey, how about the woman’s POV of the Islamic Utopia?

  22. In My Isamic Utopia.. The men would all actually take care of their children. They would all be permanently blinded so that we sisters could shake out our hair and be free from the brothers 2nd, 3rd and extra long 4th glances.
    I wish they had a deaf chip that also kicked in whenever they were around the women so that our voices wouldnt cause them a fitna thus taking away the need for sisters like me to practice talking in a “business-like”manner.
    I wish that there would be a pill for all the sisters that would cause us to snap back into shape after baby number 3 and for the sisters that dont want to take the pill..I wish that there was a pill especially for their husbands that would create the illusion of a super fit sister.
    Ahhh!………I Heart Utopia…

  23. KUDUS @ at the super fit pill. If you don’t mind, may I add a beneficial side effect <—he never gets a guts, he remains Muscular, and lack the ability to ever look at another woman LOL

  24. Umar ,.. that was an awsome piece –

    it reminds me of the Da’i brothers in the East Coast. They had 6 to 10 kids, no job (well they were full-time Da’is) and they were divorce looking for the second wife who will accept a third wife and acted like there was nothing wrong in their life……….

    Thats Utopia! great article. WAITING for part II.

    Gomez

  25. “China’s Concubines Strike Back”

    Oh sugar, this is so funny, my ribs hurt from lol so much. Bet Chinese men would love to move to Aboo Mumtaz al-Amreekee’s Utopia.

    “China’s concubines have struck again. A corrupt senior official in Shaanxi province has been brought down by his 11 mistresses, according to reports in the state media yesterday.”

    Continue reading it here:
    http://www.guardian.co.uk/china/story/0,,2164917,00.html

  26. That slave thing was just disgusting. I can’t believe that you’re swinging something as sex-slaves as an Islaamic concept. Really. If you understood any of the laws regarding slavery in Islaam you wouldn’t write something like that. In order to have ‘right-hand possessions’ you don’t find it in your flippin closet. Women, even slave women, in Islaam have rights of modesty. What, you think slave women just hang around waiting to be banged? sis. Don’t ramble about what you don’t know. slave women does not equal sex toy. ergh.

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