I think by now it has been well established that marriage and the problems that exist within them are probably one of the biggest taboos in the Muslim community.
I think that one of the problems with converts is that too many thought/think that humanity was/is haraam. This crossed over into marriage. Those couples that were willing to break the inhuman taboos behind closed doors were the couples that made it and have happy families.
Those that tried to live by the strict letter of the book were unable to withstand the extreme literalism and lack of being able to show emotion. It is not natural to live life according to literalism and have no interference from emotion at all and to behave as if you are a robot mimicking a set of phrases and rulings from far-away scholars unable to even change the conditions of the people in their own societies..
I am still trying to figure out why we felt the need to suppress all emotional influence by living lives of rigid emotional self-control. The only time we are to display emotion is when there is a protest or a fight in the masjid over who is “on it”. This is why, when a person with character or personality comes along it is so odd. A person that likes to do things and who is human and has feelings and is not always frontin’ for others is seen as odd.
As for marriage, I think that part of the reason that there is no real tradition of romance is because one does not have to compete for the affections of a woman. By this, I don’t necessarily mean with other men. By this I mean that if a woman is already betrothed to you, then why in the heck do I have to try to do things to gain her affection and love? Love is also often associated with fertility – i.e., the ability to expand the tribe. A woman that doesn’t provide children gets no ‘love’. A woman who has been “given “to you by her daddy is your property for life and like a car you buy, you may shine it and wax it and get the oil changed for the first few years but after that you just ride it till it breaks down with very little care.
The taboos of sex and relationships have created an unfortunate culture where it creates an over sensual reaction from people living in the Muslim World who are so sexually frustrated that they turn to, in the case of men, having sex with little boys of lesser tribes and class, man on man sex, lesbianism, and young Muslim couples engaging in anal and oral sex before marriage. Combine this with the fact that you also have a “sex tourism” industry to Lebanon, Morocco, Bahrain, Thailand and other places that is popular with many rich Muslims, gang rape in tribal regions, “honor” killings and you have the results of our taboos.
Then they bring it with them to the West when they think that each and every Western woman is a lose sexual fiend that they can have sex with at will with no problem. I knew a beauty supply owner who paid a girl $300 to feel on her butt. Another was jailed for trading hair gel for oral sex to a minor.
Some of these guys date non-Muslim women strictly for sexual purposes, then go home to marry a good girl from the village. Some of the gas station and beauty supply owners after leading a wild life, no doubt get frustrated with having their sexual urges constrained by the girl from the village who cant throw down in the bedroom like Keisha from East St. Louis or Maria from the South Bronx.
How do those who grew-up under such sexual repression in places where young girls are killed in cold blood by their brothers for alleged sexual crimes and old wenches sniff white sheets to smell vaginal blood behave when they come to America? Some go nuts and if they can they go clubbin and date, others cannot have no game and are reduced to sitting at home and jerking off to Baywatch reruns (or in the case of one guy I know busting a nut in public at the site of a woman), and others run to the masjid to get married to anyone as soon as possible before they get their papers and then go fetch one of their kin to get married with.
For us American brothers and sisters, who grew-up here in America interacting with the opposite sex our whole lives how do we erase all of this and then suddenly behave like we grew-up in rural Pakistan or the suburbs of Riyadh? How do we explain that within months of our shahadah, we suddenly stutter in front of women and begin talking to women like Michael Vick talks to his pets mixed in with a little paternalism? No wonder these same brothers that convert to Islam and marry women they are not attracted to become porn addicts whereas they never had that problem before.
Must we act like a woman is the cause of all sin? Is acting like that actually CAUSING us to become sexual reprobates???