Denial (dĭ-nī’əl) is a defense mechanism in which a person is faced with a fact that is too painful to accept and rejects it instead, insisting that it is not true despite what may be overwhelming evidence
Some brothers have disparaged my rise and fall series as “exaggeration”, that I am unqualified to speak on this topic (my own experiences?? are THEY more qualified to speak on MY experiences?? Should I ask for a fax from overseas, from someone who has never lived in the US to explain MY experiences to me??) and even one implied that I was lying (the only lie is with those who know these things but prefer to keep it undercover in order to keep this dysfunctional culture alive) This is part of the culture of denial that has taken root in the Muslim community.
These people are trying to tell me that I have not seen what I have seen with my own eyes! They are trying to tell me that I have not seen people that I know personally whose lives have been destroyed. They are trying to tell me to fall into their groupthink and thought reform and toe the line and tell me that things are still pristine and that all these social problems that I have seen with my own eyes are a figment of my imagination.
They want to tell you that the sisters pawned off to lunatics, the drug addictions, the criminality, the boycotting and all of that was all a figment of my overactive imagination. “No problems here!” “He is only imagining that we have problems!”
You get that?? I am only imagining that the brothers that get married 10 plus times exist and want to keep this culture in tact to take advantage of it. I am supposed to know that a “daiee” that gets married and divorced 20 times is a natural thing.
Instead of addressing problems, we have to shoot the messenger or trivialize them as not being from the “duaat”. I’m supposed to be a bobbleheaded “yes man” devoid of personality. The way to take care of a person pointing out problems is public personality execution so that other dissenters will not speak up.
No one is taking pleasure in pointing out problems, but to deny them is damaging! Extremely damaging. It creates an inverted universe where happiness = saddness … personality = groupthink … living in a bubble=real life
Anyone have any idea how frustrating it is for someone to tell you that what you have seen is NOT what you have seen?
I am a part of the team and want to help solve problems and destroy this culture of denial and pretentiousness that has formed in the Muslim community, but we can’t help dig ourselves out of this hole if we are going to continue to shoot the messenger, deny problems and insist on “staying the course”