Rules for not getting banned from a Masjid

A good friend of mine (who is an African-American) called this morning telling me about an embarassing incident at an overwhelmingly immigrant masjid where another African American Muslim was acting out, started cursing and threatening the masjid administration because he was not allowed to pass out some conspiracy literature after being asked not to…twice! The police ended up being called and the troublesome brother was banned from the masjid…For like the third time.

The brother told me that after the banning, a couple (of the few) African-Americans that were there decided that this was racism and complained to the administration.

So, I decided that in the tradition of Chris Rock that I would give some advice to brothers on how to AVOID getting banned from the masjid:

1. Obey the rules of the Masjid – Put your shoes on the shelf and don’t walk into the musullah wearing your shoes. And if you want to pass something out or sell something, ask for permission. If they say ‘no’, politely walk away and do not attempt to pass out your information and/or sell your goods anyway

2. Do not threaten to beat up the administration – Also avoid threatening to beat up any other members of the masjid.

3. Do not steal the Sadaqah box – Also do not fish the money out of the sadaqah box and avoid stealing other masjid properties to include televisions, VCRs, computers, other brothers’ shoes and jackets, and any other property that does not belong to you. Also don’t wear the bathroom flipflops home while leaving the ones you don’t like there.

4. Do not destroy the masjid property

5. Do not correct the Khateeb during the Khutbah – You probably don’t know what you’re talking about anyway. It is also probably a good idea to just shut the fuck up the whole time you are there.

6. Do not attack or shout down a brother for having thikr beads. – You probably should leave the brothers with no beard alone too. (SEE: Point #5)

7. Don’t harass the sisters. – Don’t approach the sisters and tell them how they are not wearing hijab properly and then invite them to your place so that you can show them how to properly wear it. Also, if you just have to make ghusl because you just ranup in your baby’s momma, don’t curse a brother for his wife not wearing proper hijab

8. No illegal drugs in the masjid – This includes doing and selling and don’t tell us that you have to sell them in order to make a living.

9. Do not start a bogus non-profit organizations with the aim of taking over the masjid

10. Avoid bringing a gun to the masjid while calling it “your sword” -You probably don’t want to bring a knife or an actual sword either

If you follow these rules, you probably will NOT be banned from the masjid!

Umar Lee,
Community Servant


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