1. you think you are in need of a distinct “American Islamic culture”, not knowing that you still emulate the backwardness of your parents place-of-origin, and can’t stand that an “American Islamic culture” would dictate you at like a decent person (exactly why you & your family left your native country)
2. You bought your kufi from a blessed Sufi brother in a small alleyway in in a blessed village somewhere in the “East” and touch it frequently for the baraka while saying related blessings associated with the particular saint a little too loudly but with great modesty. Oh, right after you curse the Wahhabis for their extremism (read: monotheism)
3. You get mad when an american accepts Islam, thinking “He has so much potential, why didnt he do something with his life?”
4. You think of modesty as a hindrance and bravery as extremism.
5. you sum up your deen in top-ten lists6. You are ashamed of your (insert bodily feature you are ashamed of ‘big nose, brown skin, bad skin, greasy hair, etc.’) and wonder why converts arent out having sex with the white girls that you are at home jerking off to the thoughts of
7. Islam to you is History (take that both ways)
8. Wikipedia has more authority than the Quran in your estimation, well at least because you can edit it.
9. When you say “Islam can change, religion is culture.” Dumb ass, Islam is a Deen. (look up the arabic)
10. you bitch & complain about saudi hypocrisy, yet you have never lived there.Heres more……….
11. 18th century american literature has such deep meaning, so you always quote it. yet the hadith are so shallow to you.
12. you claim that “everyone who idenifies as a Muslim is a Muslim” yet privately curse salafis as anything but.
13. …. and Ikhwanis and traditionalists come ina close second1
14. The only time you quote hadith is when you need to justify your own actions. but lest anyone else try then….
15. You view recognition of valid physiological differences as sexism, yet get mad when someone macks on you wife (ok well maybe not that last part…)
16. You view conversion/reveresion as cultural slumming, even when the one you accuse of such would probably whup your ass for saying so, which you wouldnt because your own ‘culture’ doesnt allow you to communicate freely, but since you’re in a struggle to give it up, and just can’t, you call yourself a progressive muslim.
17. look at reverts with contempt; but would love it if they were an expert of modern art or a socialist activist.Did I miss any? additions?