From Anonymous: You Might be a Progessive Muslim If…

1. you think you are in need of a distinct “American Islamic culture”, not knowing that you still emulate the backwardness of your parents place-of-origin, and can’t stand that an “American Islamic culture” would dictate you at like a decent person (exactly why you & your family left your native country)

2. You bought your kufi from a blessed Sufi brother in a small alleyway in in a blessed village somewhere in the “East” and touch it frequently for the baraka while saying related blessings associated with the particular saint a little too loudly but with great modesty. Oh, right after you curse the Wahhabis for their extremism (read: monotheism)

3. You get mad when an american accepts Islam, thinking “He has so much potential, why didnt he do something with his life?”

4. You think of modesty as a hindrance and bravery as extremism.

5. you sum up your deen in top-ten lists6. You are ashamed of your (insert bodily feature you are ashamed of ‘big nose, brown skin, bad skin, greasy hair, etc.’) and wonder why converts arent out having sex with the white girls that you are at home jerking off to the thoughts of

7. Islam to you is History (take that both ways)

8. Wikipedia has more authority than the Quran in your estimation, well at least because you can edit it.

9. When you say “Islam can change, religion is culture.” Dumb ass, Islam is a Deen. (look up the arabic)

10. you bitch & complain about saudi hypocrisy, yet you have never lived there.Heres more……….

11. 18th century american literature has such deep meaning, so you always quote it. yet the hadith are so shallow to you.

12. you claim that “everyone who idenifies as a Muslim is a Muslim” yet privately curse salafis as anything but.

13. …. and Ikhwanis and traditionalists come ina close second1

14. The only time you quote hadith is when you need to justify your own actions. but lest anyone else try then….

15. You view recognition of valid physiological differences as sexism, yet get mad when someone macks on you wife (ok well maybe not that last part…)

16. You view conversion/reveresion as cultural slumming, even when the one you accuse of such would probably whup your ass for saying so, which you wouldnt because your own ‘culture’ doesnt allow you to communicate freely, but since you’re in a struggle to give it up, and just can’t, you call yourself a progressive muslim.

17. look at reverts with contempt; but would love it if they were an expert of modern art or a socialist activist.Did I miss any? additions?

A Waleema and Muslim Murder in the Hood

The Ghetto Wedding that I have previoulsy written about had a belated formal wedding celebration ( other than the spaghetti and BBQ chips at the masjid) and the brother hosted a Moroccan BBQ on one day, whcih I coud not make, and an American style event the next day which I did attend.

It was held in the brothers home in a neighorhood that hosts a streetgang called the PLO. Guests were fed BBQ burgers, chcken wings, hot dogs, beans, cole slaw, salad, two cakes and more and I feasted on all.

All of the Muslim brothers, about thirty of us, were crammed in the basement, while the non-Muslim relatives, male and female, mingeld upstairs.

I was having a good time telling stories to a few Muslim brothers I know and hearing their stories as we talked about people we knew in jail, local crime, sports, Moroccan women and the negative attitude black women have towards them and stuff I cannot repeat. A relative of the groom, a pimp from Chicago who had driven down and was dressed like something out of American Pimp came down and I began talking to him about sports and horse racing ( although haram a family tradtion of mine and soemthing I know a lot about) and that is when I noriced someone who had been sitting near to me for a whle but I had not paid attention to.

This is a brother who a few years ago speard some lies and tried to get me killed and he didnt know I knew about it.He had spread rumors about me and a brother told me and I asked him to step outside the masjid and I asked him what was up and told him that if I heard him talking again I was going to whoop his ass. He was very apologetic and humble while I was in his face and denied he had spread the rumor ( which was spread to him by a Salafi thief, liar and criminal) and I thought that was that. Come to find out he left that converstaion and went to another masjid, told the brothers I threatned to kill him, and tried to talk them into taking their guns and not just killing me but to shoot up the masjid that I was going to at the time. The brothers rejected his offer to go and kill me and whoever else was at the masjid and I was infromed of what happned, and so when I saw this guy I didnt know what to say, so I just ignored him; but he got me thinking.

A lot of us who have been around in the community a while know that there are many brothers who go crazy if your thobe and pants are too long, go bezerk if a brother shaves or a sister doesnt cover; but think nothing of killing non-Muslims over ghetto street shit and only pause to think momentarily before killing a Muslim.

There are people who are ready his blog who know what happeend when the Salafis and Jamils people beefed in Philly and who know of the countless such incidents that have happened in places like Brooklyn, Jersey, DC and Philly.

Is this a Salafi problem? No, not exculisevly; these problems in our community predate Salafis in the community and until this day is not limited to Salafis ( the most violent group I can think of is Sufi and do you wanna get me started on the Shia of Maryland?). These are the same brothers, in many cases, that repeat fatawa agaisnt the mujahudeen and speak of the biddah and devaince of those fighting in places like Chechnya. who at elast say theya are fighting for Islam; yet see no problem in killing somone over the smallest little disrespect in America and feel this somehow gives Muslims strength as a community.

This is the attitude that drives people away from the deen. They come to the masjid to get closer to Allah and they are judged by their loyalty to a gang. They speak of dawah but think nothing of driving people not down with their program out of the deen, and that is the state that we live in.

Army of Shadows

The film Army of Shadows, a French classic made in 1969 and directed by Jean-Pierre Melville, is a rough and gritty look at the lives of members of the French Resistance to Nazi occupation and the Vichy government and operates with the same level of constant and pounding intensity as the German film Downfall.

The film follows Philippe Gerbier, a civil engineer, in a jail for enemies of the Vichy Government and through his trials and tribulations with the French Resistance as it were. It is important to note, to begin with and the film does a pretty good job of pointing this out, that after the defeat of France by Germany only about one million of the population, a very small population, engaged in the resistance or even stronly oppossed the Vichy regime; so while those who did resist the Nazis and the Vichy government were noble and courageous, in fact, they were few.

Prison life is dreary under any circumstances. Despair is in the air even at the newest and most modern of facilities. This film did a good job of capturing the despair of this wartime prison in occupied France and its Communists, intellectuals, Jews, Gypsies, Poles, and others. This prison, like a prison in the Iraq of today, is full of what the Vichy regime described as terrorists, and just those who have pissed someone off or appeared to be odd. These prisoners when they get out have either been further radicalized or have been defeated.

Like any prisoner of war who has the means, and has not lost his desire, Gerbier attempts to escape from prison and he is successful (this comes after killing a German guard at an occupied hotel). He escapes by running and ducks into a barbershop and out of breath he asks for a shave. The barber has posters of Vichy propaganda on the wall which Gerbier looks at nervously while getting his shave; but when he is leaving the barber gives him his coat to wear. This is what the Americans in Iraq would call material support to terrorism, but the resistance in any occupied country is fed by the sympathies of the locals and that sympathy can take the form of giving someone a jacket to giving someone a bowl of soup. This is the average citizens feeble way of supporting a cause that they may support; but cannot muster the courage or break the bonds of family duty to support.

Any underground movement has to deal with the issue of how to punish the collaborator. Punishing the collaborator and the compromiser achieves two goals; on the one hand it discourages a treasonous act and sends a message to the greater society and on the other hand it hardens the troops and separates the wheat from the chaff as the organization sees who is willing to commit the methodical and brutal act of killing someone they have known, and probably liked, for the sake of the higher cause. A powerful scene in this film is when Gerbier and two of his comrades are forced to kill a collaborator and it brings them to tears as they, rather incompetently, strangle him to death after not being able to come to terms with using a knife and not being able to find a quiet place to shoot him.

A key component to this movement, and to any operation of this sort in Europe in the 20th Century, was the radio and so many men and women died smuggling radios in and out of places they needed to be. Of course, in the world of today, the radio is not needed because we have the Internet and cell phones. Much of the success of the Iraqi insurgency, and other uprisings, can be traced to this new technology that the French resistance could have only dreamed of. In this film, and in real life, the French fighters had to be brought to London by submarine to ask for more munitions and funding and to catch some R and R and watch Gone With the Wind; in today’s world they could get the money and flick electronically.

It is in London, during the air raids, that Gerbier sees that life is going on as usual while the fight is being taken to the British and the Kingdom is organized to defeat its enemy as bombs shake the dance hall as male and female soldiers mildly get their freak on.

At this point, for some reason, my mind turns to French Muslims. How connected do they feel to the history of their Republic and to those who fought to defend the Republic? Do they see this as their history? Do they necessarily see the French as fighting for a just cause? Or is the German ideal more appealing to them? And for that matter what of the British and American Muslims? Our socities are pretty united in seeing the Allies as heroic savers of humanity; do most Muslims see it that way?

Leaving no soldier on the field Gerbier and the female fighter Mathilde attempt to rescue a comrade from the jail where he is being held only to find out that due to the brutal conditions that they are being held under he is dying and cannot be transported in their commandeered ambulance. The man is given a poison pill by a fellow prisoner. Conditions in GTMO and Abu Ghrab may be rough and un-American, which I have no doubt they are, but they are a far cry from the firing squads and torture of World War II and it shows us that humanity has evolved closer to the Islamic ideal regarding the treatment of prisoners

As the film is ending Gerbier is pondering life, death and his fear of it while he embraces his fate and his cause which is what many do, I suppose, who ride their cause to the end. This happens as Gerbier is used goods, and has outlived his usefulness, and sits like an old widow waiting to die after she has completed he life mission in serving her man. One last mission exists for Gerbier, and that is to kill his beloved and married Mahtilde who has been compromised after her real identity has been found and the Nazis threaten to send he daughter to a Polish whorehosue for soldiers on the Eastern front and with that the story ends and we find out that neither Gerbier or any of his close comrades live to see the liberation of France by the Allies.

The Nuts Among Us

Tariq Nelson has written a piece about the number of eccentric Muslim converts in the community and some of the strange and tragic things that have happened because of them. He piggybacked on a piece by Amir Butler about the vision of converts as a threat in Australia and government programs to remedy that threat.

I agree with the premise that Tariq has laid out in is piece that there is no widespread political extremism that can lead to terrorism in the convert community in America (even if you have a lot of armchair jihadists); but there are a lot of lunatics amongst American converts and I have seen this time and time again in city after city. And I will share just a few stories about such brothers (a few of them I may have mentioned before).

Ak…
Akbar and his wife were basically homeless the majority of the time and often crashed at the masjid. Of course many times after they crashed a microwave or a VCR was missing from the masjid and he vowed to catch the thieves. Whatever happened, somehow he ended up split from his wife and started sleeping at the masjid by himself. One night I came in with a brother in the middle of the night and found him sitting on a couch at the back of the musella, with Barry White or Al Green playing in the background (I cant remember) and a crack ho in his one arm and a beer in his other hand. To top this off there were empty condom wrappers in the trashcan outside of the musella.

A.H.
This brother talked the talk, and could quote many hadith, but had a love for armed robbery and was known to stick people up, but swore off of this as he progressed in Islam. Unfortunately one day he ended up robbing the store a Palestinian brother had hired him to work in and took the money and left town. A few months later he shows up back in town and broke drinking a 40 ounce outside the masjid and asking the brothers for sadaqa.

The Carjacker
This brother come into town and passes himself off as a Muslim social worker and gets a job helping refugees in the community. He gets a job driving a van around and delivering food and furniture to Muslim families and helping them find jobs. The brother also had the keys to the Muslim bookstore and one day he emptied out the store of all of its Islamic books and CD’s and got in the van and drove it away never to be seen again. I wonder what kind of benefit he got on those books he read? Or did he sell him; “yo akh, I got that Al-Albani half price yo”.

Niqabbis
How many of these sisters have been caught across America breaking into the sadaqa box on camera while the brothers are praying? They will show up at the masjid the next day and chastise a sister whose money she has just stolen on not covering properly. Also, she may be covered, but those ten brothers who have been married to her, and the four or five who have hit it on the low, know exactly what she has underneath the jilbab.

Tims
This brother showed up in town and was on a mission. He interrupted every talk ever given and disrespected every brother in his way and he was on a mission to turn the Muslim community against the Chinese who he viewed as the real enemies of America and the Muslim Ummah. He later started his own religion.

D.
This is a white brother who is a Shia and he loved to curse the sahabah in the vilest terms. He would also go to the masjid and speak of his love of masturbation and his hatred for Jews along with the sahabah.

The Jamaican
This brother was banned from Dar al Hijrah masjid in VA after he repeatedly harassed brothers and interrupted meetings. This brother verbally attacked anyone who wore Western-style clothes and shaved and talked of his hatred for “infidels” and is the only Muslim I have ever heard use that word. After disturbing numerous meetings, and even shouting down the imam on one occasion, he was banned.

Abdullah the Boricua
This brother, a Puerto Rican Muslim, liked to fight and was always fighting. He once beat up a yuppie for kissing his girlfriend in front of the masjid and had several fistfights in the masjid over the years. He eventually had his throat slit at the Puerto Rican Day Parade and has chilled out since then.

The Jesus Complex
One guy I was locked up with after jummahu introduced himself as the man who has many names but we can call him “Jesus Christ”.

Ahmad
This brother was a star, bright as can be, and was getting ready to study in Medina and had a beautiful Muslim family. While getting ready for his studies in Medina he decided to take up a career as a hitman and kidnapped and killed a local drug-dealer and was caught. He is doing life in prison and will not make it to Medina.

Yusuf
This is the story of the gay Muslim Suhaib Webb gave shahadah to in St. Louis, his story is somewhere here but I cant find it.

J
This brother was banned from masjid after masjid for stealing from the sadaqa box. He would come around a masjid and beg and then get some money and a job he would work for a week or two and then quit. Privately he confided in me that he liked to smoke crack and asked me of I had ever tried. After being run out of every immigrant masjid in town he found his way to an African-American masjid where he was caught on camera stealing and was subsequently savagely beaten in the musella. I aint seen him since.

The Sudanese
This brother, who once came out of a gas station with about ten bucks worth of snacks and cigarettes and then asked me for two bucks for gas, speaks with a veavy Arabic accent and told me he was from Sudan and I asked him how long he had been in America and he said “Oh my people have been here about 400 years”.

Kidnapper
This is a brother who couldn’t keep a job and was always homeless or damn near homeless. He had a habit of watching crime movies and then wanting to do what was in the movie and wanted to kidnap a banker’s daughter after seeing one such film. He propositioned this to several brothers, but had no willing accomplice., and then changed his mind and said he wanted to kidnap a Jew; alhadudilah he did not succeed.

JC
This is another white Shia brother. He was looking for a wife, or a muta, and admitted he was addicted to fetish porn. He found a pious young Muslima and she wnated to marry him; that is until he told her that he would demand she fulfill his sexual fetishes that are too crazy to put on here. He is still looking for a wife.

This is Hilarious

Blaklion picked up on my “Ghetto Muslim Wedding” theme.

You know you at a Ghetto Muslim wedding if……….
a.. An African -American brother is marrying a Moroccan sister (I think
Moroccan women have now become compulsory for black Muslim men to marry)
b.. where the bride is not present and they have to use your cell phone to
call her and get her permission to be married,
c.. the brother forgets what the dowry is,
d.. and you feast on BBQ potato chips, spaghetti and cooscoos afterwards.
e.. During the reception one brother say’s he’s trying to flee from his
wife and do you know anywhere he could run to?
f.. another brother asks me for some change so he could catch the bus,
g.. and a kid you’ve never seen before in life asks you to buy him a soda.
h.. Every few minutes someone that looks like a Black Santa Claus in a
thobe says real loudly “Takbir! Takbir! Takbir!”
i.. All the sisters are either in niqab or are half-naked.
j.. The brothers got thobes that are cut and torn at the bottom…..
k.. ….. with sandals by the door….
l.. …..and white socks on…
m.. … and an oil the name of which they can’t pronounce correctly.
n.. every brother’s name is “ock-key”, and every sister’s name is
“Sistah”.
o.. a few brothers are trying to find a wife…. or two or three at the
wedding.
p.. the Hajjis feel the need to tell everyone what it’s like in the Middle
East….. but all they saw was Mecca.
q.. No one says yes or no, because instead it’s “Na’am” or “laa”.
r.. One “ock” asks if that sister with the black jilbab and gold niqab is
married, only to find out she is HIS wife.
s.. Dessert is sweet potato pie, but some brothers turn it down because
the sweet potatoes weren’t cut with takbir and bismillah.
t.. Some brothers get into a debate about whether vegetables cooked by
Jews are halal.
u.. Some new Muslim shows up with a tray of pork chops, not knowing any
better.
v.. Some brothers have Arabic accents, but you know they’re from
Damascus….. Damascus, Tennessee that is…… and they can’t speak Arabic.
w.. The most ignorant brother wants to make a khutbah, but it’s Wednesday
evening.
x.. Someone breaks wind during the ‘asr salah, but no one gets up and
makes wudhu again.
y.. You think it’s the brother next to you, until you realize that’s just
his breath from tooth decay.
z.. Some brothers that were talking about the proper way for women to
cover are now trying to flirt with some of non-covered women.
aa.. But one of them left early ’cause he just got a booty call from his
Baptist girlfriend. “Got to make dawah, Ock-key.”
ab.. One of the sisters is asking brothers for some sadaqah so she pay
rent that month.
ac.. But about three brothers are doing the same thing, and you know they
had jobs just a week ago.
ad.. Nobody’s drivers license shows the same name they used to introduce
themselves to you.
ae.. Not one brother over 35 has all of his teeth in his mouth.
af.. A brother justifies smoking weed because it’s from the earth, and he
swears it’s in the Bible AND the Qur’an.
ag.. Most brothers already had Arabic names, but changed them after
shahada, anyway. “Yeah, brother, my kaffir name was Tariq Jenkins. But now
I’m Abdul Rahman Al-Jowhari Al-Aakhiri Al-Jigabocitee Al-Ghettowi. What’s
your new name, Ock?”
ah.. One brother brought his Arab friends to show that he’s a real “ock”,
and they left shortly after.
ai.. The Arabic spoken there sounds more like a housing project code
lingo.
aj.. And last but not least…. the roaches are so at home that they give you salams and ask you to move over so they can get some spaghetti, too.

Bar Italia and a Ghetto Muslim Wedding

It is a Thursday night in St. Louis and as usual the place to be for the young, hot, horny, and international crowd in St. Louis is Bar Italia in the Central West End. This is the only place in St. Louis where you can see Arabs, Israelis, Africans, Bosnians, Russians, Ethiopians and more partying under one roof. It is a highly sexualized atmosphere with a lot of girls in fashionable and skimpy clothing and guys looking like they are trying out to be extras on the Miami Vice Sequel. When I was enter the building to pick up a friend a Bosnian girl wearing a short skirt bent over to pick up here purse and I saw where the next generation of her countrymen will come from.

Walking in I noticed there was a loud and jovial chant going on and when I looked n what did I see? A group of drunk secular Arabs singing Pro-Hezbollah chants and mocking an Israeli friend of mine. Yes they are busy partying away and getting as much kafir pussy as they can, and drunk as hell; but now all of the sudden they want to do their part for the jihad by fuckin with an Israeli guy at a nightclub. Once they sober up, if they remain so committed to the cause, maybe they go and join he ranks of Hezbollah in Lebanon; but maybe that would interfere with their scheduled clubbin and womanizing.

Of course this incident followed a wedding I attended between an African -American brother and a Moroccan sister (I think Moroccan women have now become compulsory for black Muslim men to marry) where the bride was not present and they had to use my cell phone to call her and get her permission to be married, the brother forgot what the dowry was, and we feasted on BBQ potato chips, spaghetti and cooscoos afterwards. During the reception one brother told me he was trying to flee from his wife and did I know anywhere he could run to, another brother asked me for some change so he could catch the bus, and a kid I had never seen before in my life asked me to buy him a soda. You can’t get more Ghetto Muslim than that.

On British Muslims
Brother Eteraz has addressed the topic of British Muslims at length, as I have done in previous posts. Muslims are fooling ourselves if we do not recognize there is something seriously wrong amongst a sizeable segment of the British Muslim community and no matter what some liberal-minded people may tell you this is not just about foreign policy. You have a group of young Muslims, whose parents fled miserable failed Muslim states, who have become educated and affluent in Britain; but who want to kill their fellow subjects in the most violent of manner. This group may be small’ but there is a much larger group of Muslims in the West that hates the West, never speak favorable towards the West, and who see themselves as living in corrupt societies. Fine, if you feel that way then get the hell out of the West and go back to whatever failed so city you came from, you cannot have your cake and eat it too. Or you can continue speaking of the ills of colonialism and of modern British society while living off the taxpayers and enjoying the fruits of the labor of a society you claim to hate so much.